Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(941): View more from Florida

I was born with a shot glass in my hand

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(331): View more from Illinois

You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off

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(818): View more from California

Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(941): View more from Florida

i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.

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(802): View more from Vermont

You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.

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(517): View more from Michigan

I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life

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(954): View more from Florida

Sex in the backyard? Check.

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