I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
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Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.