smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?