break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I bet he comes in French.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..