he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Hippo gnu deer
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
