Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
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How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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