It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
