the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
