You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
