My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
