Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
