your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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