i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
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Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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