Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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