I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
