so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
