Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Welp...herpes.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
