she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
