Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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