Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
