Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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