How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
is wine microwaveable?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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