Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
