.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
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PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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