im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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