JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
