If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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