im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
