dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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