you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The best revenge is premature balding
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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