Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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