The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
