she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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