Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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