We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
