dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
