Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize