I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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