someone owes me an orgasm
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
