Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
