Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
