I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
