It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
