I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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