you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
