Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
