i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
