there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
