your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
