happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
