JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
