i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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