I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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