can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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