I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
