I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
