I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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