the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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