They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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