the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
