it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
