i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
