Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I will pee on everything he values.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
