i need an iv and a liver transplant
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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