dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
