You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
