My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
