the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
