honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
