Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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